Chemo Cuatro

Carrie here, reporting on my fourth chemotherapy treatment and my follow-up appointment with my oncologist.

The follow-up appointment went really well. I talked with Dr. M. a little about the side effects I have been experiencing (fatigue later in the week, extreme thirst, tingling in my scalp, arms and legs the day of treatment, etc.) and all of that was normal. I asked whether or not it would be helpful to try to track down some biological family history, and she said that it couldn't hurt.

Then she performed a breast exam, and the first thing she said was, "Wow!" That was great to hear because she hadn't palpated (fancy word for "touched") my tumors since before I started chemotherapy treatment. She said I was a star patient, and that I made her day because my tumors have responded so incredibly well to the chemo. She was going to do some measurements, but in the end she couldn't feel much to measure. She wrote down "impalpable" on my chart. She was very positive and pleased with my progress, which in turn made me, Mom and Dad all feel good. No, great!

I asked some more questions about what happens AFTER I finish chemo and surgery, as far as surveillance goes and what not. She said there will be blood tests and breast exams, and also some mammograms, but it won't be as heavy on the imaging. I need to remember to ask if a blood test is more sensitive than imaging, because I really have no idea. She reminded me that I won't be considered cured until I have survived 5 years past my diagnosis. I guess I already knew that, but it was important to hear again. 5 years is a really long time to me; I can't believe I'm going to have to be so careful and worried about cancer until I'm 30, which is also when I approximate that I'll have long hair again... And I'll still have to be really vigilant over the course of my entire life, I imagine...

My hair is starting to come out a little more now, which is kind of upsetting. Everywhere I read that it's always traumatic for patients to lose their hair, no matter how prepared they are. I thought that was sort of silly at first; how can people say that it's a universal feeling? Although I felt like I'd be ready, I really don't like seeing more little short black hairs coming out on my hands when I wash my fuzzy head. I was upset yesterday about that. I'm really not looking forward to being a baldy...

I've been having some trouble sleeping. The new pattern I've noticed is that I don't sleep well at all on Tuesdays, the night after treatment. I just can't seem to sleep, and I don't know if that's because going to chemo puts more cancer thoughts on my mind, or if the drugs somehow cause my brain to go into hyper drive. I just keep thinking and thinking and my brain won't shut off, and this Tuesday night I didn't fall asleep until 5:30 a.m. Plus I have all this tingling in my head and arms and legs. Last night, I fell asleep pretty easily, but then woke up at 4:30 a.m. unable to fall back asleep. I started reading for a little bit (been reading a lot this week; I'm on my third book and almost finished) and then fell back asleep for a little while. I need more sleep! I have a lot on my mind outside of the whole cancer thing too, which certainly doesn't help.

My brother D. and sister-in-law C. got me all set up with an online Blockbuster subscription yesterday, so I'll have some cinematic entertainment to help me pass the time. That'll be nice; maybe I can start watching some movies at night when I'm not sleeping.

I made a cool slide show of the head shaving party, but for some reason I can't get it to load. I need to work on that and stop being such a slacker!

I'm off for a nap now; hope you all are enjoying your day!