Medium-well

Remember me? Yeah, me neither.

Anyway, I know I've been really bad about keeping up with the blog recently. A large part of that is due to being out living my life a lot more. And a large part is me being lazy.

I wish I had documented my feelings better during this time. While physically it's been a bit easier, emotionally it's been difficult. My moods vary greatly from day to day, from hour to hour. Sometimes I feel so over cancer and ready to move on. Others I am stricken with sadness for myself. I still wonder how and why this happened to me.

I thought I should tell everyone to put their party hats away for another week. I know I had announced that April 24 was going to be my official last day of treatment. But... it's not.

You didn't think it would be that easy, did you?

My radiation oncologist has decided to add another 3 boosts (radiation directed at the "tumor bed," or where the tumor used to be, and not radiation to the whole breast, axilla or supraclav) to the end of treatment. And then the *#&%$ machine was broken for two days. So it's looking like the last day will be May 1. But who the hell knows what could happen between now and then.

I first made the goal of finishing treatment before the ski season ended. Failed. Then I made the goal of finishing before Susan's birthday. Failed again. Then I thought, well, if I could just be done by the end of April. Failed three times. I can't believe this.

My skin held up pretty well until Week 5. Now my armpit and an area near my collarbone are raw, red and feel like they're really sunburned. It's painful and uncomfortable. The doctor I saw yesterday thought it would start healing maybe this weekend, which was good. The nurse, though, said it could get worse over the next 2 weeks. I really hope not because it's not so great right now. I'm pretty cooked right now. But I'm calling it medium-well because I still have 6 more treatments.

My energy levels are sort of decent. I've been doing some fun stuff recently. Let me tell you about it, and we can pretend I'm not whining about radiation. :)

Last weekend was closing weekend at Winter Park Resort. I went up on Friday, in a HUGE snowstorm, to stay with some friends and get some final turns in. It snowed about 3 feet in 2 days, and the snow was amazing! It was nice to spend the time with friends and keep it mellow. Then on closing day I went out skiing, watched my friend try to snowboard across the icy Splash pond, and partied a little at the C-lot. And my skis and poles disappeared. :( They weren't my favorite skis, but I did invest a chunk on money on them. I think someone stole them; I'm still hoping it was an accident. Maybe I'll get a call soon from the resort's security office saying they got turned in.

Last night I went down to Denver to eat dinner with my friend Amber, and then we went down to Colorado Springs for a Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers show. The show was great, of course, and... at the end I got to shake Roger's hand! And we waited outside the tour bus, which is something I've never done, and I got to talk to him a little. AND HUG HIM! That was great. Amber said, "Roger! Will you please hug my friend? She's had cancer this year and your music has really helped her out." And he said, "Really? You're way too young for that." He said it in a really nice way. And he also asked if I was done with treatment, or is anyone ever really done, which was a pretty insightful question. It was the moment of a lifetime! I'm still pretty excited about that.

This weekend we're going to Denver to celebrate Susan's birthday. And on Sunday I am meeting up with other Colorado Young Survivors to have brunch at the Cheesecake Factory. Should be a fun weekend.

And then... to finish treatment. Hopefully forever.

Happy 100!

Hello again!

This is the 100th post on my blog. Seems like we should be celebrating, no? Happy 100 to you all!

Anyway, I guess there's not much to update on... I've finished 15 of my 30 radiation treatments, so I'm halfway done. The last day should be April 24, if all goes according to plan. But nothing goes according to plan it would seem, so I guess I won't hold my breath. So far my skin is holding up really well. It's maybe a tad pink now, but there's not really any tanning or burning or peeling or sores or anything. It's gross though-- they told me I can't shave my arm pit on the radiated side until my skin is healed because now would be a really bad time for a cut. So I have maybe 8 really long arm pit hairs. EWWW!

I got a cold last week, and that was a bummer. But it did give me a chance to get a lot of rest, do some reading, and take a lot of baths. So that part was nice... I'm feeling better now, though not completely well.

I went skiing this weekend on Saturday and Sunday. The snow was great, and it felt wonderful, as always, to get out there and move around. I also skied last weekend. I think by now I must be up to about 25 days on the snow. Which is great, really, because at the start of this all I didn't think I'd get even 5 days in. Just goes to show you that 1) the doctors don't always know what they're talking about, and 2) nothing gets in between me and skiing.

There are only two more weekends of skiing left in the 2008-2008 winter season at Winter Park. That makes me sad. I think that's why I was feeling pretty mopey when I was skiing today. I'm not ready for it to be over. And I still can't believe that my treatment has taken so long; at the beginning I thought I'd be done with a month or so left in the season. Nope. The season will close and I'll have my last 5 radiation treatments.

I'm still hoping to move back to Winter Park in May sometime. I guess I'm a little nervous that it's not the right choice, but I don't know what else to do. And I do know that I want to live my ski bum lifestyle next winter, so I may as well go back for this summer. It's beautiful up there, and it'll be nice to get back to "normal." I'm a little concerned that I'll be "cancer girl," and that that particular part of my reputation will precede my glittering personality. :) I guess in a way I wish I had kept things a little more under wraps. But it's too late now, and if people wanna act stupid about the fact that I have/had (I just don't know how to word that anymore) cancer, then they can go ahead. Just don't expect me to be around them for very long.

I really need to get a picture of my new hair up soon. I think those of you who haven't seen it since I was "baby butt bald" will be really surprised!

Ooooh I totally forgot I said I'd post some pictures from the conference. I need to save some to my computer from my facebook, so it'll take some time. Patience, please.

Tomorrow I have another appointment for personal training at the gym. I really like weight lifting, and I hope it's something I continue to do. Somehow since Dallas I gained a bunch of weight and now I'm working hard to take it off. Plus, I read an article that said that women who stayed within 5 lbs of their high school weight had fewer occurrences of breast cancer than women who have gained 20 lbs or more. I was really pretty thin in high school, and I know I've gained more than 5 lbs since then. I am not making it my goal to get back within 5 lbs because I think that's impossible, and probably unhealthy. But it would be nice to lose another 5-7 lbs.

I know I have more thoughts about various subjects that I would like to share with you, but none are coming to mind. And I have radiation at the ungodly hour of 9:00 a.m. (I know this is late to most of you, but give me a break; it's been a rough 9 months), so I'm going to bed early.

Thanks to anyone out there who still reads this junk! We've made it to 100 posts, not too shabby!