Late Night Update

So it's 3:00 a.m. and I'm finally ready to go to bed. What am I doing up so late?

I am trying to do some writing therapy. When I have problems, it usually helps me to write them down. Otherwise thoughts just ping around in my head, bouncing around and making me feel nuts.

My problem tonight is that there are two people who really let me down through all of this. And sometimes I'm really angry about it. I am especially angry at one person specifically. And I don't like to be angry. I want to just let it go. But it's very difficult. I think I find it hard because neither of these people seem to think they've done anything wrong, and it's hard to forgive someone who hasn't really apologized.

(Just so we're clear, it's not anyone in my family. I'm pretty sure these two people know who they are, and I honestly doubt they read this blog anymore. They don't care.)

Anyway, I just spent the last long time writing two separate posts, which will probably never be published, addressing what these people did and why it hurt me. I hope this will help me feel better about things. Otherwise I may need a counselor. Or a bat. Just kidding.

On a lighter note, I wanted everyone to know that I'm feeling much better these days. I have come to terms with the additional surgery. Things happen and if you can't change them, don't fight them. Save your energy for the fights you can change. This is my outlook, or at least the outlook I strive to live by. It's kind of like the Serenity Prayer:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference. " --Reinhold Niebuhr

Anyway, I'm moving forward with life. Or I'm trying to.

Yesterday I went down to Boulder to meet up with a group of other young survivors. We ranged from 26 to 40-something. We had some dinner together and talked. It was really nice to meet some other people who have been in shoes quite similar to my own. Everyone was cool. I wore my blue wig so they'd recognize me from my online signature pictures. It ended up being a great time, and we closed down the restaurant! Hopefully we meet again.

Here's a picture one of the girls took (I hope this is OK)...

I'm the blue haired one.

I also have the Young Women Affected by Breast Cancer conference coming up at the end of the month. It's in Dallas. I may go visit Austin afterwards, or I might just come back home and get ready for radiation. Having something like this to look forward to really helps me push through the weeks upon weeks of treatment. I think the conference will be a blast, and it will be so fun to finally put some personalities and faces to the screen names I've gotten so much support from.

OK, I'm exhausted. I'm going to do my physical therapy exercises once more (only got to 4 times today... rats) and hit the hay. I just wanted everyone to know that things are looking up.

I'll get to that finish line someday.