Medium-well

Remember me? Yeah, me neither.

Anyway, I know I've been really bad about keeping up with the blog recently. A large part of that is due to being out living my life a lot more. And a large part is me being lazy.

I wish I had documented my feelings better during this time. While physically it's been a bit easier, emotionally it's been difficult. My moods vary greatly from day to day, from hour to hour. Sometimes I feel so over cancer and ready to move on. Others I am stricken with sadness for myself. I still wonder how and why this happened to me.

I thought I should tell everyone to put their party hats away for another week. I know I had announced that April 24 was going to be my official last day of treatment. But... it's not.

You didn't think it would be that easy, did you?

My radiation oncologist has decided to add another 3 boosts (radiation directed at the "tumor bed," or where the tumor used to be, and not radiation to the whole breast, axilla or supraclav) to the end of treatment. And then the *#&%$ machine was broken for two days. So it's looking like the last day will be May 1. But who the hell knows what could happen between now and then.

I first made the goal of finishing treatment before the ski season ended. Failed. Then I made the goal of finishing before Susan's birthday. Failed again. Then I thought, well, if I could just be done by the end of April. Failed three times. I can't believe this.

My skin held up pretty well until Week 5. Now my armpit and an area near my collarbone are raw, red and feel like they're really sunburned. It's painful and uncomfortable. The doctor I saw yesterday thought it would start healing maybe this weekend, which was good. The nurse, though, said it could get worse over the next 2 weeks. I really hope not because it's not so great right now. I'm pretty cooked right now. But I'm calling it medium-well because I still have 6 more treatments.

My energy levels are sort of decent. I've been doing some fun stuff recently. Let me tell you about it, and we can pretend I'm not whining about radiation. :)

Last weekend was closing weekend at Winter Park Resort. I went up on Friday, in a HUGE snowstorm, to stay with some friends and get some final turns in. It snowed about 3 feet in 2 days, and the snow was amazing! It was nice to spend the time with friends and keep it mellow. Then on closing day I went out skiing, watched my friend try to snowboard across the icy Splash pond, and partied a little at the C-lot. And my skis and poles disappeared. :( They weren't my favorite skis, but I did invest a chunk on money on them. I think someone stole them; I'm still hoping it was an accident. Maybe I'll get a call soon from the resort's security office saying they got turned in.

Last night I went down to Denver to eat dinner with my friend Amber, and then we went down to Colorado Springs for a Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers show. The show was great, of course, and... at the end I got to shake Roger's hand! And we waited outside the tour bus, which is something I've never done, and I got to talk to him a little. AND HUG HIM! That was great. Amber said, "Roger! Will you please hug my friend? She's had cancer this year and your music has really helped her out." And he said, "Really? You're way too young for that." He said it in a really nice way. And he also asked if I was done with treatment, or is anyone ever really done, which was a pretty insightful question. It was the moment of a lifetime! I'm still pretty excited about that.

This weekend we're going to Denver to celebrate Susan's birthday. And on Sunday I am meeting up with other Colorado Young Survivors to have brunch at the Cheesecake Factory. Should be a fun weekend.

And then... to finish treatment. Hopefully forever.