Pre-Chemo Update!

Hey all! Sorry to have left you in the dark for so long. I looked over my blog and my last post was almost two weeks ago! Time flies when you're feelin' good. Seriously.

Tomorrow is FEC #3, so I wanted to make sure that everything here is up to date before I go into "Ghost and Shadow" time. This is the first time I'm really dreading chemo and time after. Usually I'm excited to get it all over with. This time I would rather just keep feeling good. But the exciting thing about it is that tomorrow is my second-to-last infusion, and in 22 days, I'll be having my last infusion. I might not (actually, I definitely will not) have a fun New Year's Eve, but I will be starting 2009 chemo free (side effects not included).

It's hard to believe that chemotherapy treatment is coming to an end. I really can finally feel that the end is in sight. The light at the end of the tunnel. A parting of the clouds in this shit storm.

My plan is to ask for an extra bag of fluids when I go in Wednesday for my Neulasta shot. And then I'd like to get another 2 liters on Thursday, since getting 2 liters on Friday worked wonders on Saturday last treatment. I plan on feeling horrible and getting up to pee about 30 times a day, but hopefully it will make me feel better EVEN FASTER.

This is going to sound sick and wrong, but last treatment I was so sick that I lost my appetite completely (no vomiting, FYI), along with quite a few pounds. Of course, they all came back, and with my recent ski trip (I'll get that later) I'm feeling a little tubby. So I'm sort of looking forward to shedding a few pounds because I'll be too nasty feeling to eat. I know. Wrong. But if I have to have cancer, I'd rather be THIN and have cancer. ;)

Since I've been feeling pretty great, I hate that I have to feel REALLY yucky soon. But I have to do this. I don't really have a choice, so I should just grin and bear it. OK, more like grimace and bear it. We do what we have to do.

I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!

OK, now that that's out of my system... we can catch up on what I've been doing as of late.

My family had a really nice Thanksgiving, sans only one member of the family, and Michael, we all missed you. My parents had gone out of town just before to visit him, so we had Thanksgiving dinner at my brother David and my sister-in-law Cristi's house for the first time. I was able to taste my dinner and it was delicious! And so was the pie we had for dessert, even if we didn't eat trashbagsful. I was pretty full by then.

After Thanksgiving, I went for a visit to Winter Park, the ski town I was living in before I had to move home for treatment. I left on Saturday and came home on Friday. I was supposed to come home Thursday because I had a follow-up appointment with my oncologist on Friday morning, but it was snowing pretty hard and all the roads were going to be pretty dangerous. I ended up rescheduling my appointment to tomorrow morning before chemo, but it's with my oncology nurse, not my oncologist.

I had such an awesome visit. It was so amazingly therapeutic for me! I had to BUY a season pass this year, which put a sizeable dent in my personal finances, but it's going to be well worth it. I've already made a commitment to ski as much as possible this year. I got in 6 days of early-season, screwing-around, easy skiing in. On my last day, they opened Cranmer, and I got to ski some fake bumps, which felt great. I am, however, in terrible shape and not that strong anymore, and Cranmer made that very clear to me. I would love to be in better shape by the next time I go up, but I have chemo to deal with.

What made my trip so wonderful? Well, for starters, I have a bunch of wonderful friends up in WP who take great care of me while I'm there. Friends were buying me breakfast, lunch and dinner, and the occasional drink, too. And two friends cooked me dinner, on separate nights! Males, nonetheless! And Kelsey, my super ex-roommate, and Valerie, her super new roommate, accommodated me quite comfortably on their living room couch. I ran into a bunch of people I knew, and it was good to say hi to everyone. I got to spend actual quality time with people, which was exciting because I used to be working all the time, leaving little time to spend hanging out with friends.

But most of all, while I was skiing, I wasn't thinking about cancer at all. I would go long periods of time on the hill and then realize, wait a second, I have cancer. I forgot about it. It was like I was back in my normal life. It was an amazing feeling of being carefree and "normal" again. Skiing to me is mentally curative; it will fix any of my mind's troubles.

Anyway, it's getting late and I'm tired. I should clean my room tonight but I don't know if it's worth it. I've been working on this post and chatting on my gmail for a good 3+ hours, so... I'd better wrap things up and get some rest.

Wish me a speedy recovery! And all the best to you!