On Meeting New People

Last night I went out socially for the first time in a long time. I went out alone for the first time in a longer time. It's not exactly that I've become anti-social or anything, just with the timing of going skiing for a week, treatment, and then getting this cold, I haven't been feeling up for too much socialization. But it's just because I've been feeling physically drained, not because I have any aims to become a social recluse. I don't.

So a friend from online wanted to meet up, and he invited me to hang out with the Outdoor Club, a group from CSU who like to do outdoorsy things. I'd blown off meeting up with this guy a few times before but was out of excuses for being lame last night, so I figured, what the heck, life is short, why not meet some more people who like to ski? At the very least, maybe I could meet some people in Fort Collins who like to ski and can give me a ride up to WP sometimes.

It was really awkward and difficult at first because I didn't know ANYBODY at this gathering and just sorta... showed up. I'm a pretty social person and don't feel super uncomfortable meeting new people, but it's not easy to show up and not know anyone in a large group. Anyway, I sat myself down at a table with an open seat and talked to some people. In the end, I met a lot of really nice people who are definitely into skiing, which is always a great thing to have in common. I had a really good time.

But there's one thing that I still don't exactly know how to handle, and that's meeting new people and dealing with the whole cancer thing. I think it might be easier for other people because, while cancer rocks anyone's world when diagnosed, mine was rocked a little extra because I had to move and quit my job. So when I meet people, they often ask questions like, "What do you do?" or "Why did you move back?" I don't always want to get into it all with people I don't know very well (especially a big group); mostly I don't want people to treat me differently. Also, I don't like talking about it all the time. It's not shame or embarrassment really; it's just a personal thing and I hate that to be one of the first things they learn about me; I'm so much more than a disease. I'd rather be "Carrie" instead of "Oh, you mean Cancer Girl?"

So the alternative to getting into it all is answering "What do you do?" with "Not a whole lot." And that makes me sound like a loser. But it also doesn't invite strangers to ask many more questions. I don't regret my decision to not get another job-- it was an impossible time to begin with, and I had no idea what treatment would be like. And I don't plan on staying here forever, so...

Anyway, if anyone has any advice on how to deal with meeting new people and "the cancer thing," please let me know. I'll take any advice I can get on this one!

OK, now I'm off to my imaging appointment. I'll post any results I get later tonight. Wish me well!